i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
