we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
