I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
