After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
