dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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