He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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