did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
