please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
