You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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