Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
