Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
