i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
