she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
