forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
