You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm too high and old for this...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
