is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
