I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize