Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
