i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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