Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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