I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
