that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
