Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
