corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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