i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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