some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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