actually, I'm a sock model
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
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