u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
