Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
