Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
