I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
