yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
