So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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