i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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