So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
