You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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