Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
