i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
