i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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