Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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