If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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