I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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