the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
