Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
