i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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