The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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