True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
