...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
