Jerry, you need to find god
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
