Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
