Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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