D3 body, D1 cock
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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