I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
