We won't sleep together?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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