i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
